The punch of pyar. Have you ever witnessed your relationship go from “tere chehre se nazar nahi hatdi” to “I’m just trying to watch TV, so can we just stare at each other endlessly never.” Whose bad nazar ruined your Bollywood story? Who is to blame? Is it the guy? Is it the girl? Is it Amrish Puri? Or is it just the relationship itself? Well no matter who is to blame, a guy will ask himself one or more of the questions below if not all of them. But first, watch the video below where the male protagonist, who has been bottled up with thoughts on his six-month relationship, explodes like Punjabi men off their seats at a reception when the liquor bar opens.
Did you feel his pain? I know guys reading this can relate to at least some of the points he makes in the video. And I know some females who are exactly like he points out are thinking, “OMG…this is dumb…it is so not true.” Well fret not. I have taken 7 yes or no questions from this video and I will discuss them each individually. At the end of each question I will reach my verdict of a yes or no answer. Got it? Lets get the party started. Bruaaaaa.
1. Is not having a problem in your life your girlfriend’s biggest problem?
If you ever ask a girl what her biggest problems are her answer might sound something like this. There is no good man out there. Guys sit on their ass while I have to do all the housework. I hate when that time of the month comes. No one understands me. My nails break so easily. I hate having to clean my makeup off at night. Mondays. Love. Eating a bucket of ice cream and then having to workout. And etc. You get the point.
It might sound like that while a girl has many problems, you not having a problem isn’t one of them. However, now notice how the same problems that I mentioned change when women are in a relationship. There is no good man out there. My boyfriend never has time for me anymore. My guy sits on his ass while I have to do all the housework. I come from work and cook while he just sits on the sofa and watches Phir Subah Hogi. I hate when that time of the month comes. He doesn’t understand my pain and that when I get cranky at him it’s only because I’m on my period. No one understands me. He didn’t get me jewelry for my birthday. My nails break so easily. It was his fault. I hate having to clean my makeup off at night. I only wear makeup to look good for him. Mondays. Why doesn’t he send flowers to work? Love. I thought love meant him doing everything for me 24/7. Eating a bucket of ice cream and then having to workout. He can eat anything and still be in shape. Bastard.
Do you see how easily every problem a girl has becomes your problem. Or more clearly, no matter what the problem is or was, you are now the square root of her every problem. So while she has a problem you can never have “no problem.”
VERDICT: Yes
2. Is a happy woman a myth?
A woman wants her boyfriend to love her. She wants to be his top priority. She will say you should value family and work and what not. But all that must come after her. However, if you love her too much and agree with everything she says then you have no backbone and are labeled “boring.” If you give work priority and don’t give her all the time of the day, then you don’t love or care about her anymore.
What about the Batman example he gave in the video though? That was on point. First he was a loser because he didn’t do anything. Then he started saving the world and didn’t have time for her. So now all of a sudden she couldn’t handle him. Women say they want a balanced man, but the human race isn’t perfect. And men are human.
VERDICT: Yes
3. Does shopping affect your relationship?
Does this really need a discussion? I praise any guy who can go shopping with his wife. Is this shirt cute? Is this hat cute? Is this watch cute? Are these socks cute? Will these shoes look cute with that suit my chachi’s sister’s friend’s daughter got for me from Patiala? Or hey since we have nothing better to do lets just go look around Tiffany & Co. Hint! Hint! Hint!
VERDICT: Yes
4. Are mobile phones the devil in a relationship?
Imagine the following scenario. You are with your friends watching a football match. You get a text. “Hey, how’s the game?” You reply, “It’s good…tie game…middle of 4th quarter.” You get a text back. “That’s nice…do you miss me?” You reply, “yeah.” You get a text back. “That’s it? Only a yeah? Is the game more important than me?” You don’t reply for two minutes. You get another text. “I guess it is. You really don’t care about me anymore.” You reply back, “Sorry just watching the game, of course I care about you.” You get a text back. “Yeah whatever…enjoy your game…I don’t want to talk to you right now.” You don’t reply for 25 minutes. You get another text. “So now you aren’t going to talk to me anymore?” What theee gandi khachi? When did you go from enjoying a Seahawks game tied in the 4th to becoming the Grinch who stole Christmas? When did a moment of happiness and bliss become a nightmare?
Scenario 2. Your girlfriend sends you an image of her wearing a new dress. She texts, “What do you think?” You reply, “It’s pretty.” She texts you back, “That’s it? Why don’t you ever show emotion?” Emotion? Really? Women want our replies to be like, “OMG that dress is so hot, you look so beautiful babe I don’t believe any jalebi could ever be sweeter than you.” Exclamation point! Exclamation point! And exclamation point! Don’t forget to add those exclamation points otherwise you don’t sound excited. Men aren’t colorful, but very simple creatures. Texts are only letters. Without sight, smell, and feel. Therefore ladies, it will never be the same as face-to-face communication. Period.
VERDICT: Yes
5. Did Christopher Columbus really want to get away from his wife?
I googled this question and found a whole lot of nothing. However, his wife’s name was Dona Filipa Perestello e Moniz. If her name can be that long then her list of problems might even be longer. She also died after six years of marriage. Hmmm. There might be something there but I don’t feel like rewriting history. Well at least not today.
VERDICT: No
6. Are gay guys happier than a straight guy in a relationship?
Not necessarily. However, gay men don’t have periods. That might be the key. Or not. Who knows? I don’t. In the video, the protagonist points out the saying that “behind every successful man there is a woman.” But behind every unsuccessful man there is also a woman. We can all agree that there are more unsuccessful men in the world than successful ones. So you do the math. What would be a more correct saying? I’ll leave it at that.
I did find a reasonable answer however. “Gay men don’t usually have children, so they have more time to devote to their careers, which may help them work their way up the corporate ladder.” Nevertheless, it was a woman who wrote that answer. She might just be replacing the blame.
VERDICT: Not enough information
7. Will you always lose an argument with a woman?
You probably already know my answer. But lets work this one out. Let me hit you with another scenario.
You are sitting at your house with your girlfriend and sister. You are casually discussing that the living room needs to be repainted. Your girlfriend suggests yellow would be a nice and fun color. Your sister says that she would like an off-white color. Unfortunately, you decide to chime in and say, “Yeah I agree. I think white will look better here.” BOOM. The sunny day changes automatically to a forecast of dark clouds with a very likely chance of thunderstorms and lightening. All of sudden the discussion becomes an argument. Your girlfriend, in an annoyed voice, says, “Why don’t you ever agree with what I like?” You reply, “it’s not like that, I just think white will go well with the furniture here.” Oops. You made the mistake of using logic in an argument. If women are desi parents then logic is the kid who isn’t doing chores on a Sunday. Desi parents don’t like their kids relaxing. Women don’t like logic. Your girlfriend replies, “I don’t care what looks better here, you just don’t care about me.” When did picking a paint color become an argument about how much you care about your girlfriend?
While you are sitting there wondering how this became an argument, your girlfriend is bringing up how you didn’t compliment her when she wore a black dress at the SASA party in 2010. When you didn’t even know her yet. Somewhere in her brain she has stored all the moments you let her down and made her feel bad. You are now Keanu Reeves ducking lightening fast punches in the Matrix. You are an iPhone fruit ninja trying to slice away at apples, watermelons, and oranges being thrown your way. Why do women bring up things from the past? How do they remember them? Why don’t they bring them up when they happen? It is easier to deal with a roof leak when it happens. But allowing the leak to grow until the whole roof falls down is a problem. But again women do not believe in being rational like Jatts do not believe in being sober. How do you win an argument with logic when you are playing on a field of emotion? You cannot.
VERDICT: Yes
There it is. The final verdict is 5 out of 6 questions that can be answered with a yes and one question that does not having enough data to be answered ATM. What does this mean? Are women crazy? Maybe…maybe not. Issues always arise after the initial blissful period of ilu ilu…ilu ilu, but there isn’t anything you can’t get past. There is no relationship killer that cannot be dealt with whether it is your stupid boyfriend, your psycho girlfriend, or Amrish Puri. With enough love and devotion even the worst enemy of your love will say “Ja Simran…ja jeele apni zindagi…ja beta…ja.”
SuperSonicRizzy 