The Importance of Roti

A few weeks back, a follower of mine on a social media site that shall remain unnamed asked me, “What is roti?” I could have answered this question simply by defining the term. According to the almighty Google, “roti” is basically flat and round bread cooked on a griddle. Unfortunately for my follower, the scholar in me was awoken and I was not going to answer this question without providing more unneeded, but absolutely important depth.

The keyword in Google’s definition of roti is round. To the scorn of many mothers and the anguish of countless daughters of South Asian descent, this term has become the epicenter of every girl’s hope for marriage. In Disney movies the damsel in distress faces evil stepmothers, witches, poisoned apples, the curse of sleep (is this really a curse though?), kissing a frog, and being frozen to finally meet her prince charming. Meanwhile in a land far, far away, the damsel in distress in a South Asian household faces only one shape of terror, round. The round roti is the only thing standing between her and finding her knight in shining armor.

Now that we have established the importance of roti, you might be wondering why it’s such a terror. Imagine getting straight A’s while taking the following subjects during a semester: chemistry 101, chemistry with your eyes closed, chemistry in Latin, chemistry while swimming in an ocean, chemistry while in a boxing match with Floyd Mayweather, chemistry while on molly. Now imagine something a hundred times harder to achieve. And keep imagining. Yes, that is exactly how hard it is to make a round roti.

Many have tried to perfect the art of the round roti and while a few have succeeded, many have failed. What is the big deal of failing to make a round roti? Well, based on our damsel in distress’s skill of making a round roti, she will find her prince charming. In other words, it is eHarmony.com for brown people.

Here is the breakdown of what our damsel in distress can expect according to the shape of her roti:

• If her roti resembles a square, then she will get married to some guy whose favorite subject is chemistry and favorite element is Boron.

• If her roti resembles a triangle, then she’s going to marry someone who is a momma’s boy and irons his underwear.

• If her roti looks oval, then she’s more interested in mangoes than men.

• If her roti is burnt, then she’s going to marry Sardool Sikandar.

• If her roti has holes, then she probably wants to marry Deepika Padukone over any guy.

• If she can’t even make a roti, then she’s probably swiped right on every profile and found zero matches on Tinder.

• And finally, if her roti is round, then she was voted most likely to steal your man and marry him in her high school yearbook. Basically, she’s going to get her prince and live happily ever after.

In conclusion, roti is far more important than a single sentence definition. It defines our damsel in distress’s happiness. Therefore, never underestimate the struggle, the sweat, and the tears that go into making a round roti. To my South Asian female readers, I only have the following to say to you, practice the art and marry well.

End Notes:

Am I a South Asian girl?

No.

Then how did you gain the knowledge on rotis?

From two sisters and extensive conversations with numerous females and Ajmeri Baba on this subject.

Is it that serious?

Yes and then some.

Are you asking and answering your own questions?

Definitely.