Sari, Not Sorry

If you know me personally or have had the pleasure, or displeasure, to follow me on social media, then there are certain things you know about me. I like to write, I like to hate on the Canucks, I’m a sucker for Priyanka Chopra, I like mango everything, and most of all I have a thing for black saris. Don’t get me wrong, by thing I don’t mean I like to put on a sari on my off days and sing, “Tip tip barsaa paani…paani ne aag lagaayi” like this dude (click here to watch). In other words, I’m not a cross-dresser and you are definitely not ready for that jelly.

I owe my fascination and love for girls who wear saris to two moments that changed my life forever. Hash-tag “its that serious.” Of course the culprit of these moments was Bollywood. I mean lets face it, Bollywood is the naala to my pajama that ties my life together. It always has and it probably always will.

The first moment came when I saw the video to Kishore Kumar’s “Ek Ladki Beegi Bhaagi Si.” Okay, I lied. The first time I watched it girls still had cooties. However, years later when I saw it for the second time I was blown away. Black and white picture, middle of nowhere, broke down car, nighttime, heavy rain, beautiful girl stranded, and she’s wearing a sari. Either this is the perfect setting for a scary movie or something else. Luckily it was something else. In comes our hero, a mechanic who is working super late in the middle of nowhere, to the rescue. Not only does he help fix her car, but he also describes her “wet” condition by singing ek ladki beegi baagi si (click here to watch).

You have to keep in mind that back in the day a sari wasn’t just a bra with a transparent fabric wrapped around to leave nothing to the imagination. What made saris sexy back then is what still makes saris sexy today. It is the light fabric and the way it is wrapped so tightly that makes a sari sexy. Elegantly and seductively conforming to a woman’s body, the sari allows you to see every beautiful curve that God blessed women with. The bare navel and back helps too, but unless you are with the rare desi girl that doesn’t let her self go after marriage, it’s not doing too much for you. Hash-tag “I’m dead.”

The second moment came in the form of Kajol in Kuch Kuch Hota Hai. It’s the scene where they are playing charades outside in the evening when all of a sudden it starts raining, and our hero and heroine have no choice but to escape under a gazebo and dance (click here to watch). By the way, Kajol is in a maroon sari that is drenched at this point. Our hero is none other than my boy, Mr. King Khan himself, so you know I was vicariously living through him in that moment. I felt the love between them and Kajol being in a sari just enhanced that feeling. The way the sari was draped, her wet hair, and her bare navel were to die for and I was sprung. Sometimes I wonder if I associate saris with deep love, but then I realize I have other things to wonder about, such as how much more lachi do I need to put in chaa if I’m making it for five more people. Anyway, since witnessing this scene I have not found a dress sexier than a sari.

In both of these scenes the girl wasn’t wearing a black sari, so why the love for black saris? It’s simple. Black is my favorite color. And you know what they say, once you go black you can’t go back. Although, I mean it in a totally different way here. Of course you knew that. No matter if you are white, pink, green, blue, black, yellow, brown, or sona rangiye, a black sari will do you justice.

One thing that both of these scenes have in common, besides saris and the nighttime, is the rain. There is something so positively sexual about saris in the rain. It might be the wet hair, the increased transparency of fabrics, or maybe just my imagination. But a girl in a sari under falling raindrops is everything that’s good about this world. In fact, just check out the video of Tum Hi Ho (click here to watch), you will understand what I’m failing to express. A woman does not get any sexier than Shraddha Kapoor in this video.

It’s that simple ladies. Put on a sari and watch your man want you more than cha and Parle-G biscuits. Of course I know girls, including some of my exes, who hate the rain because ohhh emmm geee it ruins their hair and makeup. This probably explains why they are my exes. Most guys don’t need to know how many acres of jameen your dad has, what your blood type is, or whether you post a picture on Instagram saying, “Day 443, off to the gym. #Gains #GetFit #ImSexy #FollowMe #VegasBody #TeamTwerk.” We just need you to wear a sari and if it happens to rain then be a good sport. I promise your hair will still be there tomorrow, but that rainy, nighttime, beautiful moment with you in sari with your man might not. And you rather sari, not sorry.

One of These Days

So over the weekend, I was in Vancouver for Nagar Kirtan spending time with my cousins in beautiful British Columbia, well at least that’s what their license plates say. Basically if you are Punjabi, then you have a cousin in Vancouver or Surrey. It’s mini-Punjab. Anyway, I was talking to my cousin and unsurprisingly the conversation found its way to me still being single. It was as if the conversation had a GPS system with a destination automatically set to “Why am I Single?” She told me that she had read my blog post (Why am I Single). And felt that while I had written about YOLO and Bollywood influencing me to find the perfect person, it came across as if I didn’t really believe in the prototypical Bollywood love. Or in actually being able to find that perfect person for myself.

I was surprised to hear her response. Since I had explained I was single because of YOLO and Bollywood, I thought it automatically meant that I believed in love and in finding the right person. But as I thought more about it, I recognized how much truth was in her assessment. I had given an answer for me being single, but I didn’t believe in the quintessential love. So while Bollywood had influenced me to wait for the perfect love, I had not committed to Bollywood or to finding that perfect love.

After further discussion with my cousin I came to a conclusion. I was going to change. Not a dramatic color change like Michael Jackson, but I was going to believe. I was going to believe because just like everything else, at the end of the day all that we have to hang our hats on is hope. If I lose hope in finding the perfect love, then I have already lost half the battle. So you might be thinking, “Well that’s great to hear, but how is believing going to get you your true love?” Don’t worry, because just like a teacher’s little pet, I have an answer ready. I’m going to find my true love by being optimistic and by knowing what I want.

Be optimistic. And by that I don’t mean be delusional. I’m not going to go climb Mt. Everest tomorrow. And I wouldn’t recommend you to quit your day job to go release a music album if your voice is even half as annoying as Amisha Patel’s is. When I say be optimistic, I mean just simply believe. And never give up. If you want something to happen you have to truly believe that it can happen. It is a mental thing. If you don’t believe in love, then how will you recognize it when it is standing there in front of you? When people stop believing that’s when they start settling. No one wants to settle, but no one really wants to believe anymore either. Well I’m telling you to believe. Not because I believe, but because by believing you will give your perfect love a chance. And a chance is sometimes all it takes. Yes that was an “iyeee hiyeee” moment.

The other aspect of being optimistic is never giving up. Don’t give up on finding your perfect love. People sometimes feel that since all their relationships have been awful it means that every future relationship is going to be horrible. But that’s not the case. You might have had three straight bad relationships, but who knows the fourth might be the Simran to your Raj, or the Raj to your Simran (DDLJ reference putt). Also, you can’t just sit on the sofa and expect Priyanka Chopra to come to you and be like, “Oh hey there stud, I’ve been waiting for you all my life so if you like it you should put a ring on it.” You have to be out there, whether that means having your heart open to allow love to enter or doing activities where you meet people. If you have had your heart broken, then you might be afraid to give someone else your heart in fear of it being broken again. This may lead you to keep your heart closed to others, but I can guarantee you that you won’t find your perfect love if you forever close his or her path to you.

Going out to meet people is absolutely necessary, unless you live in the Playboy Mansion. People want to see how you interact with others and whether you are fun to hang out with. Think of it as applying for a job. You won’t get a job at Google by sitting at home doing nothing. You have to apply and let companies know you are out there and that you are valuable. When you are single you have to do the same thing. You have to apply yourself and be out there to show people that you are a great prize. Show them that you are the glass of mango lassi they have been craving for all summer. No one wants to sit with you on your couch and watch re-runs of Kyunki Saas Bhi Khabhi Bahu Thi for the rest of their lives. I mean if you sit at home watching re-runs of that show, then maybe you should just be with yourself because you won’t find anyone else that awesome. But for the rest of us common folk, getting out and “bumping” into people is a must.

The second and equally important factor in finding your perfect love is to know what you want. If you don’t know what you want then how are you going to find it? This factor requires some thought. It is best to write down a list of what you are looking for in your partner, whether it is qualities like nice, caring, and loyal. Or absolute musts like round roti-maker and good light-bulb-action bhangra dancer. Whatever qualities you are looking for in a person just write them down. This way you will know what you want and you won’t settle for less. Having a plan isn’t evil. My friend once said, “you don’t plan to fail, but you fail to plan. Therefore, a plan will help you find what you are looking for, in this case your perfect love.

Writing down qualities of what you want is easy, but attracting someone with those amazing qualities is not that easy, unless you are Ryan Gosling or Adriana Lima. To attract the person with the qualities you are looking for, you have to be the type of person that will attract someone with those qualities. Now I’m not advocating that you change yourself and be someone who you are not, because we all deserve to be loved for who we are. All I’m saying is that if you are a man-whore you likely won’t attract a woman that is classy and smart. Be the person your perfect love will want to be with. Be a better you.

I think Olly Murs’ song, One of These Days (posted at the bottom), is a great way to bring together what I have discussed. He sings, “One of these day I’m gonna find someone to love, one of these days I’ll find you if I don’t give up.” You have to believe that you will find someone to love, and you cannot give up. Someone is out there for you, your perfect love. All you have to do is know what you want and be optimistic. No matter where he or she is. Find your true love. One of these days, I know I will.

Why am I Single?

          Why am I single? This is the first question I get asked by numerous aunties and relatives when I see them. Let us not forget that basically everyone is your aunty when you are Punjabi. So now imagine how much time I’ve actually had to think about my answer. I can’t say age because I’m ancient. I can’t say education because I’ve graduated. I can’t say it’s my choice, because the more I think about my answer it’s less of the truth. So what is it then? Is it because my true love Priyanka Chopra is busy making movies thousands of miles away? As much as I would love for that to be the correct answer, surprisingly it is not. I believe the correct answer lies somewhere in between YOLO and being raised by Bollywood.

          YOLO. You only live once. It is a simple philosophy if you think about it. You-only-live-once. However, it is a shame that ever since Drake made it mainstream it has become a vehicle for every indecisive person to justify his or her decisions in life. For example: You are craving a cheeseburger while watching Pavitra Rishta but you are on a diet. YOLO. You get that cheeseburger. You have to wake up for work at 5 A.M., but that hilarious Fresh Prince of Bel-Air rerun you have only seen 13 times is on. YOLO. You watch that rerun. You get my point?

          Actually I’m off topic. I’m still single. YOLO isn’t just about making life-changing decisions. It is a heavy idea. You are only alive in this world once. So how does that relate with being single you may be wondering. Let me tell you how. If I only have one life to live then I want it to be perfect. I want my career to be perfect, my car to be perfect, my house to be perfect, my health to be perfect, and I definitely want my partner in crime to be perfect (Yes I know perfect doesn’t exist, but perfection is in the eye of the beholder). Now finding the right person becomes hard, because you only have ONE life to live. You want to live that ONE life with someone worth it. I’m not wasting my ONE life by settling for someone. So that makes me picky.

          You might be sitting there reading this thinking but don’t you believe in reincarnation. Well let me tell you, reincarnation is even worse than YOLO. Basically reincarnation, as I know it, works like this. In your next life you will be a human again if you do good deeds in this lifetime or you will be a cockroach in your next life if you are extremely cocky now. Or something along that line. Why is reincarnation worse? Well at first glance you might think that even if you don’t really love the person you marry, yet you do good deeds then you can find someone better in the next life. Wrong! You aren’t the Notorious BIG. But you are dead wrong. Don’t forget that you are desi and that “tera mera janam janam ka rishta hai.” Yes exactly, janams on janams on janams on janams. Doesn’t that sound like a lot longer time than YOLO? Not only do I not have to find someone right for this lifetime, but now they also have to be bearable for infinite janams. So now I’m extremely picky.

          Dilwale Dulhania Le Jayenge. Shahrukh. Kajol. Thuje dekha to ye… I owe it all to Bollywood. It made me love this movie and this song as a little desi kid growing up with a mushroom haircut. But did it not think that its ludicrous ideals might somehow find a home somewhere in my brain. I was 8. I was vulnerable. I was Dan Cozad and Bollywood was a young Mike Tyson. Knockout.

          Thuje dekha to yeh jaana sanam. So far so good. I saw someone and I learned something. I always see people and learn things. I see homeless people and learn that they are poor. I see tears in my mom’s eyes and learn that some poor soul in some desi drama is hurting. I see some pretty girl sipping a mango lassi who doesn’t offer to share and learn that she is a pretty girl sipping a mango lassi who doesn’t offer to share.

          Thuje dekha to yeh jaana sanam, pyar hota hai dewanna sanam. Interesting. I saw you and now I know that love is a crazy lover. I swear when I saw that pretty girl sipping a mango lassi who didn’t offer to share that was the last thing I thought. But okay, if Bollywood says so, I’ll believe it.

          Thuje dekha to yeh jaana sanam, pyar hota hai dewanna sanam, abh yahan se kahan jaye hum. I saw you and now I know that love is a crazy lover, so where do I go now. Hmm lets see maybe on a date like normal people. Nope. Wrong answer.

          Thuje dekha to yeh jaana sanam, pyar hota hai dewanna sanam, abh yahan se kahan jaye hum, teri bhaahon mein mar jaye hum. I saw you and now I know that love is a crazy lover, so where do I go now, I can die in your arms. Bollywood strikes like Kobe in crunch time. Bollywood wants me to see the pretty girl sipping the mango lassi who didn’t offer to share and think wow forget dating, you are so precious that I can die in your arms. Bollywood neglects to consider that for her that mango lassi is almost certainly more precious than me in her hands, let alone my dead body. Plus I don’t want to die. Remember YOLO? What does this have to do with being single? Everything. I need to find someone who I can be with till I die. I need to feel that spark with someone. I need to see them and think wow where have you been all my li-ii-ii-ife. It’s not just this song that talks about endless love but basically every song besides Babbu Mann’s Can I Have a One Night Stand With Ju. So now I’m extremely picky and I’m looking for a spark to tell me that this is my endless love in whose arms I can happily die in…one day that isn’t today or tomorrow.

          Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying Bollywood is a bad thing. I am who I am because of Bollywood. It is a part of me. I’m just saying that Bollywood makes you want a love that isn’t really out there. So when you have to compromise and settle you look at your what-would-SRK-do bracelet and remain single. Therefore, next time an aunty or you ask me why I am single. My response is I’m extremely picky and I’m looking for a spark, an endless love for a person in whose arms I can die in. Or I might just say YOLO.