One of These Days

So over the weekend, I was in Vancouver for Nagar Kirtan spending time with my cousins in beautiful British Columbia, well at least that’s what their license plates say. Basically if you are Punjabi, then you have a cousin in Vancouver or Surrey. It’s mini-Punjab. Anyway, I was talking to my cousin and unsurprisingly the conversation found its way to me still being single. It was as if the conversation had a GPS system with a destination automatically set to “Why am I Single?” She told me that she had read my blog post (Why am I Single). And felt that while I had written about YOLO and Bollywood influencing me to find the perfect person, it came across as if I didn’t really believe in the prototypical Bollywood love. Or in actually being able to find that perfect person for myself.

I was surprised to hear her response. Since I had explained I was single because of YOLO and Bollywood, I thought it automatically meant that I believed in love and in finding the right person. But as I thought more about it, I recognized how much truth was in her assessment. I had given an answer for me being single, but I didn’t believe in the quintessential love. So while Bollywood had influenced me to wait for the perfect love, I had not committed to Bollywood or to finding that perfect love.

After further discussion with my cousin I came to a conclusion. I was going to change. Not a dramatic color change like Michael Jackson, but I was going to believe. I was going to believe because just like everything else, at the end of the day all that we have to hang our hats on is hope. If I lose hope in finding the perfect love, then I have already lost half the battle. So you might be thinking, “Well that’s great to hear, but how is believing going to get you your true love?” Don’t worry, because just like a teacher’s little pet, I have an answer ready. I’m going to find my true love by being optimistic and by knowing what I want.

Be optimistic. And by that I don’t mean be delusional. I’m not going to go climb Mt. Everest tomorrow. And I wouldn’t recommend you to quit your day job to go release a music album if your voice is even half as annoying as Amisha Patel’s is. When I say be optimistic, I mean just simply believe. And never give up. If you want something to happen you have to truly believe that it can happen. It is a mental thing. If you don’t believe in love, then how will you recognize it when it is standing there in front of you? When people stop believing that’s when they start settling. No one wants to settle, but no one really wants to believe anymore either. Well I’m telling you to believe. Not because I believe, but because by believing you will give your perfect love a chance. And a chance is sometimes all it takes. Yes that was an “iyeee hiyeee” moment.

The other aspect of being optimistic is never giving up. Don’t give up on finding your perfect love. People sometimes feel that since all their relationships have been awful it means that every future relationship is going to be horrible. But that’s not the case. You might have had three straight bad relationships, but who knows the fourth might be the Simran to your Raj, or the Raj to your Simran (DDLJ reference putt). Also, you can’t just sit on the sofa and expect Priyanka Chopra to come to you and be like, “Oh hey there stud, I’ve been waiting for you all my life so if you like it you should put a ring on it.” You have to be out there, whether that means having your heart open to allow love to enter or doing activities where you meet people. If you have had your heart broken, then you might be afraid to give someone else your heart in fear of it being broken again. This may lead you to keep your heart closed to others, but I can guarantee you that you won’t find your perfect love if you forever close his or her path to you.

Going out to meet people is absolutely necessary, unless you live in the Playboy Mansion. People want to see how you interact with others and whether you are fun to hang out with. Think of it as applying for a job. You won’t get a job at Google by sitting at home doing nothing. You have to apply and let companies know you are out there and that you are valuable. When you are single you have to do the same thing. You have to apply yourself and be out there to show people that you are a great prize. Show them that you are the glass of mango lassi they have been craving for all summer. No one wants to sit with you on your couch and watch re-runs of Kyunki Saas Bhi Khabhi Bahu Thi for the rest of their lives. I mean if you sit at home watching re-runs of that show, then maybe you should just be with yourself because you won’t find anyone else that awesome. But for the rest of us common folk, getting out and “bumping” into people is a must.

The second and equally important factor in finding your perfect love is to know what you want. If you don’t know what you want then how are you going to find it? This factor requires some thought. It is best to write down a list of what you are looking for in your partner, whether it is qualities like nice, caring, and loyal. Or absolute musts like round roti-maker and good light-bulb-action bhangra dancer. Whatever qualities you are looking for in a person just write them down. This way you will know what you want and you won’t settle for less. Having a plan isn’t evil. My friend once said, “you don’t plan to fail, but you fail to plan. Therefore, a plan will help you find what you are looking for, in this case your perfect love.

Writing down qualities of what you want is easy, but attracting someone with those amazing qualities is not that easy, unless you are Ryan Gosling or Adriana Lima. To attract the person with the qualities you are looking for, you have to be the type of person that will attract someone with those qualities. Now I’m not advocating that you change yourself and be someone who you are not, because we all deserve to be loved for who we are. All I’m saying is that if you are a man-whore you likely won’t attract a woman that is classy and smart. Be the person your perfect love will want to be with. Be a better you.

I think Olly Murs’ song, One of These Days (posted at the bottom), is a great way to bring together what I have discussed. He sings, “One of these day I’m gonna find someone to love, one of these days I’ll find you if I don’t give up.” You have to believe that you will find someone to love, and you cannot give up. Someone is out there for you, your perfect love. All you have to do is know what you want and be optimistic. No matter where he or she is. Find your true love. One of these days, I know I will.